“I don’t know if I mourn my grandmother or the fact that I don’t really remember her. What kind of love can a seven year old really give? And in that, what strength of sadness could I have felt? Emotion in those years was infantile, animal. Felt but not understood. Powerful but weightless. Spoken without vocabulary. Just there, breeding itself for future context.”
Mourning has been the most pervasive and unforeseen challenge of adulthood. I mourn often and for so many. For those I lost before I understood what grief was. For the child I never got to be after becoming too acquainted with grief. For the questions never asked, the feelings never expressed, and the time never shared as I attempted to run from grief. I’ve found great reassurance in your words, knowing I’m not alone in this struggle.
Looking forward to more of your words and wisdom. <3
"I wish I loved then way I do now, but this heft of emotion is on the account of time spent with people, whether in life or memory. That’s aging. I wish for myself to grow into comfortably carrying this love as it is and as it changes."
This was beautifully written and puts into words some feelings I previously didn't even realize I couldn't articulate. There's a tricky kind of guilt and grief that comes with growing up and contextualizing memories of loved ones who aren't here anymore - the way my 16 year old self loved my granddad has to find a way to coexist with the way my 26 year old self loves him a decade after his passing. I think the best we can wish for is to carry the love as it is and as it changes like you said.
Thank you for sharing! I'm really looking forward to seeing what else you post here <3
Love all yor work Niece. Keep up the good job.
Unk Eric
“I don’t know if I mourn my grandmother or the fact that I don’t really remember her. What kind of love can a seven year old really give? And in that, what strength of sadness could I have felt? Emotion in those years was infantile, animal. Felt but not understood. Powerful but weightless. Spoken without vocabulary. Just there, breeding itself for future context.”
Mourning has been the most pervasive and unforeseen challenge of adulthood. I mourn often and for so many. For those I lost before I understood what grief was. For the child I never got to be after becoming too acquainted with grief. For the questions never asked, the feelings never expressed, and the time never shared as I attempted to run from grief. I’ve found great reassurance in your words, knowing I’m not alone in this struggle.
Looking forward to more of your words and wisdom. <3
"I wish I loved then way I do now, but this heft of emotion is on the account of time spent with people, whether in life or memory. That’s aging. I wish for myself to grow into comfortably carrying this love as it is and as it changes."
This was beautifully written and puts into words some feelings I previously didn't even realize I couldn't articulate. There's a tricky kind of guilt and grief that comes with growing up and contextualizing memories of loved ones who aren't here anymore - the way my 16 year old self loved my granddad has to find a way to coexist with the way my 26 year old self loves him a decade after his passing. I think the best we can wish for is to carry the love as it is and as it changes like you said.
Thank you for sharing! I'm really looking forward to seeing what else you post here <3